The One Where Taylor Turns 18....awww!

So as yall know, amidst all the Remember Me promo spots (kitchen scene!) and Bel Ami rumours/set photos, it's also a big week for Mr. Lautner! That's right, we mentioned it a month ago...and here it is. Happy Birthday Taylor!

Many of Taylor's fellow Twi-cast members were super thoughtful and made sure he had lots of prezzies to celebrate bein' legal. Here's a look at the loot:

From Kellan... Calvin Kleins, natch. Tthe new poster boy for CK had to send his favorite wolf boy a coupla packs of very manly manties. Especially since KLutz & TayLaut are known for um, forgetting (or not?) to um, secure things down before a workout.

Very very manly manties.... yeah.

Watch it wiggle, make it jiggle.... Joggling, anyone??

Thank GOD they're not wearing Umbros.

Oh, and some porn. Because we all know that Kellan is totally into girls and straight dudes love the porn. That's what what you give your best buds when they turn 18, right?

Wait, er, not that kind of skin mag....

From Jackson, an online membership to Fanfiction.net and Twilighted.net. With Jasper as the Number 1 subject of all Slash pairings, you know Jackson has GOT to get online & check out what a slashy-Jasper does in the world of Fanfiction (several of the cast have admitted in interviews that they've checked out fanfic). I can only imagine how excited he is to introduce young Taylor to the world of "holy FUCK what have they done to my character?" And since Jasper's a hot Southern Empath, I don't even wanna know where they'll take the Wolfpack pairings now that Tay Tay is legal. The imagination reels with the sheer possibilities.

Taylor, your new online handle is "108DegreesLegal"

Get ready for your newest SLASH relationship, Taycob!

It's what REALLY happened in that tent scene!

From Kristen, who has often referred to her relationship with Taylor as that of a big sister/little brother, you know she'll want him to be safe (heh) and to school him in the ways of the world. Sort of like getting drunk at a few parties at the end of your Senior Year before heading off to college. You know, so you know what to expect. Except with Kristen, that'd be weed instead of Boone's Strawberry Hill. So how nice of her to send a Gift Certificate to her favorite LA head shop....

"Come on over to the Stewart house and

Cameron & Taylor & I will show you how it's done.

We won't smoke up on my front steps this time, though."

And from Rob... of course Rob is very busy at the moment giving mustache (or not) rides all over London as Georges Duroy. So he had Nick put together a little "Signature Rob" gift basket. Kinda generic, but what can you do when Nick's in charge? Included were:

A six pack of Heinie's, an LL Bean flannel, & a membership to the

Beanie of the Month Club. And I hear Stephanie's throwing in two tickets

to the Remember Me premiere, plus an umbrella to shield him from the fangirls.

And from Ashley? She's such a giver. And thinks she has so many qualities of Alice: good taste (?), likes to shop, likes to look pretty. She sent a gorgeous Alberto Alessi condom case. And some Sobe, of course.

For the discerning gentleman... here's hoping he's not a

one-shot wonder because this baby only holds one at a time!

If he doesn't get a chance to use the condoms

(I hear Daddy Lautner is a MAJOR cock-block),

he's at least got some good wank material for the spank-bank!

And finally, a gift from someone outside the Twi-cast! THE Gossip King of them all, Ted Casablanca from E Online dusted off the Blind Vice shelf and cleared a spot JUST for Tay Tay. Because nothing says LEGAL like being the subject of a Blind Vice!

So happy birthday, Taylor Lautner! Now put on some running shoes and RUN! Run like the wind. Because the Cougars are coming for you, I think I saw Cathi Hardiwicke leading the pack.

The One Where There is Corn. On. The. Cob. 'Nuff Said.

While I hate finding bills in my mailbox as much as the next person, I did encounter a very interesting bill upon retrieving my mail a couple of days ago. Wait for it, wait for it... a bill from Teen Vogue. WTF, mate? Serious. Fucking. Confusion. I called them immediately to explain to the woman that "I am 30 years old. I do NOT want a subscription to Teen Vogue. Is this even real? How did I get a bill for a subscription?" She explained that if I have ever entered into a sweepstakes with Teen Vogue, I would have automatically been signed up to receive their magazines. Ah, yes. There was that one time that I entered into a few different sweepstakes in hopes of winning a trip to the New Moon premiere, and maybe there was one set up by Teen Vogue, and maybe I do remember finding an issue of Teen Vogue in my mailbox around premiere time... (Sidenote to Volvo: Let's chill the fuck out with the weekly emails, shall we? I am not in the market for a new vehicle. I was, however, in the market for seeing Rob + Jackson + The Stew's style live and in person.)

My first and last issue of Teen Vogue. Not interested, but thanks.

So I realized that I sounded comptely contradictory to this woman as I explained that I was too old for a Teen Vogue subscription, yet not too old to enter into a New Moon sweepstakes. She politely tried to offer me a subscription to Glamour instead, but I declined due to the confidence that I would NOT be seeing a Glamour cover as delicious as this one any time soon:

I do not have a subscription to Vanity Fair, but I was all kinds of interested in this particular issue.

There is a special place in my heart for the outtakes from this shoot.

And for no other reason than to leave you hot for the weekend, I'll throw my fave photos from this very issue out there. Yes, they are a staple. Yes, I know that they are already on your desktop (or in your cell phone, or printed out and hidden in your drawer 'o goodies, or emblazoned in perfect detail in the Robporn section of your brain). But, no, you can never see enough from this photo shoot. Thank you, Jesus, for corn-on-the-cob.

The hair. The jacket. The BITING. I almost fell over when this photo hit the internet.

It was a good day for MrsBing.

I can't bring myself to form the words for a proper caption.

I will just say that this photo is one of my favorite photos EVER. *shivers*

Magic. Fucking. Fingers. I like these magic fucking fingers. A lot.

The One Where EVERYONE Is All About Twi

As some of you RL readers know, I have a 5 year old son. For blogging purposes, we'll call him His Lordship, or HL for short. (why His Lordship? Because in the mind a toddler, mommy Lives To Serve. And serve his toddler-highness I do. Thus, the nickname). And as you RL readers know (including MrsBing, who's known HL since he was 7 months old) he has a VIVID imagination. He draws his "stories" from books he's read and movies he's seen. He has his favorites. And it has not slipped his notice that mommy has HER favorites.

HL does not miss a SINGLE THING. He taunts me about the (very obvious) Fun Size Edwards sitting next to my computer (how does a 5 year old get a sense of snark?). He's wondered out loud why there's a GIANT stack of Twilight related magazines ("memorabilia"), movie companions, etc. in the TV cabinet. He's studied the Twilight DVD cover religiously (he'd watch movies all day long if we'd let him) and has quizzed me repeatedly about who each person is.

And in regards to that last statement, here is what I've told him about Twilight (and ONLY after extensive questioning on his part):

"it's about a boy vampire named Edward who falls in love with a girl named Bella. Edward has a very nice vampire family. Some bad vampires come and want to take Bella away. I don't know why. But they do. So Edward and his family protect her and they make all the bad vamps go away."

One of these kids is not like the other! One of these kids has a Sparklepeen!

When New Moon promo hit the mainstream (he misses NOTHING I tell you), I had to tell him about Jacob: "He's Bella's very best friend, and he happens to be a werewolf! He's a Good Guy and wants to protect Bella from any bad vampires."

In short, he knows the gist of Twilight, he knows the difference between Edward Cullen and Robert Pattinson, he knows Taylor Lautner/Jacob is also Sharkboy, and he knows that Bella ("she's pretty") is named Kristen in real life.

Anyway, His Lordship and his BFF (we'll call her Susie) like to center their playtime around movies or stories they've recently seen. Usually it's got a princess theme (Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, etc. have been crowd favorites in the past) but last week, something changed.

I picked His Lordship up from Preschool last Thursday, and spent the ride home asking the usual questions - Did you have Music & Movement today? Were any kids out sick (yep, I'm a germaphobe!), Did you eat all of your lunch? And finally, this conversation:

Me: So'd you guys get to play outside since the sun was out today?

HL: Yeah we did & me & Susie & Bob all played Twilight.

Me: WHAT?

HL: We played Twiiii-light. You know, I was Edward and Susie was Alice... you know, Edward's sister. And were were good vampires and we sparkled, but instead of protecting just a regular girl like Bella, we protected two Princesses.

Me: :::jaw on floor::: frantically trying to pull over & write this down

Me: Well, um, that sounds fun. But didn't you say Bob was playing too. What was his part?

HL: He was that werewolf Jacob.

I was lit'rally crying/laughing after this exchange, my mind racing naughty thoughts like "oh please I hope they didn't reinact the tent scene" and who the hell were these slutty princesses? Of course I alerted Susie's mom (who is also a fan but not quite as diehard as I am) as I wasn't sure she'd LURVE her daughter playing Vampire with my son.

Anyway, a few days later (yesterday) he & I were playing Battle Brawlers (fucking piece of shit confusing Japanese game) and out of the blue he starts telling me how two of his classmates were going to Candyland where there were vampires. VAMPIRES IN CANDYLAND? Of course, I had my trusty Jesus Phone handy & was able to record a bit for your listening pleasure:

Traveling to Candyland (but only if you "pack up") where there will be candy for

Halloween, and Christmas, and Valentine's. Neca ought to be thrilled.

So kids, there you have it. Twilight has not only permeated my household, it's leaked onto the playground at preschool. Princesses beware.... And if there are Vampires in Candyland, please please please let it be that Dora version of Candyland, and please please please let Jasper take that bitch down.

The One With Rob and Those Damn Smiles

Let me preface where I am going with this by informing you that MrBing and I are not movie snobs. We will gladly watch award-nominated films right along with stupid-funny, mindless ones. I prefer original and thoughtful films over the formulaic flicks, but there's no judging here. Equal representation all around. Having said that, we throw in Win a Date With Tad Hamilton on occasion. It usually gets chosen when we have work to get done and chores to do, but want some background goodness. Topher Grace is adorable, Josh Duhamel's absticles provoke thoughts on literally licking the television screen, and there are a few really cute, somewhat memorable lines in there. At one point, Topher grace's character, Pete, tells Tad that their mutual love interest has "six smiles. One when something really makes her laugh. One when she's making plans. One when she is laughing out of politeness. One when she is uncomfortable. One when she is making fun of herself. And one when she's talking about her friends." Later on, she tells Pete that he has "five smiles. One when you think someone's an idiot. One when you think someone's REALLY an idiot. One when you're singing to Barry White. One when you're getting all dressed up. And one when you're looking at me." I know, I know. All kinds of cheese. But I was browsing through folders and folders of Robporn this weekend, and couldn't help but notice that Rob has very distinctly different smiles. As do all, no doubt. But I don't rummage through nor lust over photos of all of you. Rob. Rob gets the lusting and the notice. You know you do it, too. And I think I am a fan of every one of his smiles, albeit partial to smile #6. But you already knew that.

So we know he has more than six gorgeous smiles. Many more. And all equally fucking delicious. These six are merely my fave.

Oh, the open-mouth smile. This dude has perfected the open-mouth smile and that is fine by me. He's got great teeth, and he usually throws a nervous licking-of-the-lips in there. Yes. I like this smile quite a lot.

This is Rob's "Haven't you taken enough shots yet?" smile. He's fairly patient and cooperative out there on the red carpet. And nearly every shot taken turns out pretty (really, really pretty). So after thousands of flashes, he often gives the photogs this sweet, parting smile.

As you well know, Rob has a smile reserved just for his friends. I'd like to get that smile someday, *sigh*... He has such a good time with his friends, he really lets go and relaxes. This smile looks like relief and happiness and Heineken all rolled into one.

Holy shit. When Rob tugs on that fuckingmostbeautifulhairever WHILE he smiles, it's just too much. Add the slight scruff that he's sporting here and purchase stock in shamwanties because you know you need them right now...

Rob, bless him, has many more fans than he's comfortable with. But even when he's out of his comfort zone and out in public when he'd really rather not be, this guy still shows his appreciation. In the form of this smirk. This is one clearly given to the throes of fans that show up everywhere he goes. He was feeling super-kind on this particular day, as I see a little chest hair creeping out. *growl*

This is the most beautiful smile that I have ever seen from him. The smile he has for Kristen is genuine and unbridled and it's the happiest one that he's got. We've seen it on multiple occasions and it makes my heart all skippy and shit each time. It's the best ever. Period. ded.