Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The One With the Interstate Showdown

I am sure you have noticed once or twice before that Twilight is everywhere. I see things everyday- I kid you not- that scream TWILIGHT. I hear words, phrases, full-on stories on a daily basis that scream TWILIGHT. Monday was no exception.

This is what I feel like. When Twilight happens throughout my day, I swear that my
own fucking genie pops up over my shoulder and yells, "Twilight!"
It's referenced so often (and at random) that I have no idea how I get anything done.

I was on the interstate (after dropping The Captain off at preschool, I usually head over to the bookstore, which always screams TWILIGHT) and came upon a slow-ass vehicle that wasn't going to change lanes anytime soon. Juuuuust before moving to the left to pass said slow-ass vehicle, I noticed a bumper sticker that nearly escaped me. It was a black bumper sticker on a black car. How did it catch my attention, you wonder? Maybe it was the fucking TWILIGHT font that did it. Maybe it was the combination of "Jacob" and "Black" that did it. I don't remember which detail caught my eye first because the moment that I was alerted to the sticker, I was on a fucking mission. A mission, I tell you.

That's right, JacobLover was in front of me, barely moving on the interstate.
I almost pissed myself when I read the sticker because I knew what I must do.
Instead of pissing, I giggled with delight.

TeamFuckingJacob. Blocking my lane in her slow-moving car (how unlike the wolves is that? I'm guessing no one is going to refer to her as the Wolf Girl...) and displaying that sticker for all to see. Please, child. It's obvious what my reaction was. And it's obvious by my reaction that I am a certifiable fanatic/lunatic. It went a little something like this:

  1. Enable left turn signal. I'm passing this bitch, but not before I represent Team Edward...
  2. Change lanes.
  3. Mimic her slow-ass speed whilst keeping my eyes on the road and my hands in my bag.
  4. Feel for it, feel for it,... YES! I found my bag o' miniatures and felt around for Edward, of course.
  5. With PocketEdward at the ready, I speed up until I'm even with JacobLover. Maintain fucking speed.
  6. Wave PocketEdward around as close to my passenger window as I possibly can while keeping my ass in the seat.
  7. Team Edward loyalty established.

I was unable to take a photo of the waving-around-of-PocketEdward because I am a safe and responsible driver (much unlike JacobLover). But this is what I was waving around at her. Maybe if he sparkled and shone like diamonds, we would have caught her attention...

And would you believe that my efforts were wasted? Apparently, JacobLover was so busy applying mascara while driving, that she missed out on the rad little show that I was putting on in the neighboring lane. 'Tis okay. I simply passed PocketEdward back to LittleMan to play with. He carried him into the bookstore with us, and PocketEdward spent the remainder of the morning keeping busy with the kiddos and taunting the other bookstore mummies to make the change, come over to our side, Team Edward forthemotherfuckingwin.


Jenny Jerkface said...

Bwahahahaha!!! JacobLover might have missed it but I bet there plenty of other people who were wondering what the fuck was going on.

I would have paid good money to see that whole thing go down.

You've got a nice big set of balls, my friend.

Twi Sherry said...

OMG that was freaking hilarious. Hehehehe....Team Edward represents FTW!!!

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