Sunday, October 31, 2010

The One Where Rob Dresses Up

So we here at Twifecta got to thinking about Halloween. You know we've not seen His Holy Hotness in a while, save for the super awkward/confusing/funny Headmaster Holiday video last week (have you caught your breath yet, Taft kids?). And we were wondering if Rob would be dressing up this weekend. We're working from the assumption that he & Kristen (and maybe some of the cast) will be together. Based on that, here are a few ideas we think would really work for them.

Nothing is more popular than Glee at the moment (save for Jersey Shore, but I refuse to even type those words into Google image search on my computer), and we can't think of an easier costume than Sue Sylvester. Come on, you know how he & KStew have loads of Adidas laying around.

"Get ready for the ride of your life, Will Schuester.
You're about to board the Sue Sylvester Express. Destination: Horror!"

Parlaying the Sue Sylvester costume with Glee's latest episode, I can't stop recasting the Twilight crew as characters from The Rocky Horror Picture Show in my head. There was a twitter convo a few weeks ago about this, and while a good number of h00rs saw PFach as Frankenfurter, I only see Rob. Sweet Transvestite indeed. OMG the accent would become a deadly weapon.

Kellan as Rocky, and Kristen as Janet? I see you shiver with antici...... pation.

If Rob were still rocking his post-Bel Ami Bloat AND his Hobo Road Trip beard, I think Alan from the Hangover would be perfection. Assuming he'd have an actual hangover probably wouldn't be too far from the truth.

It's warm in Baton Rouge. He's pasty & pale. This wouldn't require a shower. This could work.

We're big pirate fans here at Twifecta. It's such a classic costume, we thought it would be a natural fit for Mr. Pattinson. Captain Rob, that is. Accent? CHECK! Effeminate guestures? CHECK! We'd walk his plank... We'd shiver his timbers. He could check out our pirate's booty. I'd show him where X marks the spot. Oh the euphemisms!

We're happy to raise your Jolly Roger, Cap'n Rob! Arrrrrgh...

If he were looking to go the kid-friendly route, we suggest the highly popular DJ Lance from Nick's trippy Yo Gabba Gabba. Nothing like dancing around with a giant orange dildo, eh?

"There's a party in my tummy, so yummy so yummy!"
"Don't don't don't bite your friends!"

Going the celeb route once again, we thought an evening spent as Russell Brand & Katy Perry would be fun for them both. Rob would rock Brand's signature look, considering his extensive use of leather pants & velvet blazers back in his Harry Potter days. Kristen could play up her ultra-glam red carpet look, and Rob could show a little chest hair.

The gold shark-tooth necklace would be PERFECT with this outfit!

Now if you want to talk about a super easy costume, how about dressing up as his BFF Tom Sturridge? I don't know how Kristen tells them apart to begin with.

"Wait, Rob are you dressed as me, or am I dressed as you?"
"Shit Tom, I dunno? All our clothes come from the same suitcase anyway?"

Certainly last but not least, if he's still got his beard, a simple cardboard sign is all he needs to complete an authentic Hobo look on the fly. I like the creativity in this particular sign. Ninjas are particularly relevant these days!

Hobo Rob is always win. And always lurking in between roles.

Happy Halloween from the Twi-fecta Girls!


Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The One With The Fun

It's been a good while since we've rec'd any fic finds over here on the blog. Crazily enough, MrsBing and I have been busy blowing through what we like to call the "Twi-cast Book Club." That's what we call "reading all the books that are being turned into movies and star anyone from Twilight." So essentially we've been muddled through Bel Ami, Water For Elephants, and On the Road. I was also held captive by Maggie Stiefvater's Shiver & Linger. GOOD LORD, cliffie!!! Not to mention that whole end-of-summer obsession both MrsBing & I (and the entire fandom) had with the Hunger Games Trilogy (repeats to self: I WILL not look for HG fic, I WILL not look for HG fic... I may have already read a few HG fics. Oh wait!)

Oh no. Not. Going. There. Not. Gonna. Go. There..... Yet.

Anyway, I've continued reading Twi-fic here & there, most of which have been rec'd hard & repeatedly (TWSS) on other dedicated Twific sites. But these two latest finds sucked up my evenings last week & I have to pass them along.

First up is an absolutely hysterical one-shot by Just_Shireen. called Super. It was written for the A Picture Says It All contest and this was her photo prompt:

"When the little stuff added up the universe was trying to say something.
It was saying, "Stay home, Bella Swan."
However, there is only so long a girl can reasonably be expected to go without Diet Coke."

Bella is having a very bad day. She ventures out to procure necessities. Chaos and some uh...super...things end up happening. It's so refreshing to read a Bella like this. She's real, she's sarcastic, self-deprecating, and for some reason I can really relate to her. It's one of the few Bella's that I think would be in my own circle of friends. Just Shireen writes this gem with a very straightforward style and does a fantastic job of incorporating her picture prompt into the story. It's fun, it's fast, it's hot, and this Edward is the sweet to this Bella's tart.

Late last week I accidentally left my book (On the Road) at the coffeehouse. In my scramble to find something to read late at night (because I'm never NOT reading) I picked this next Fic off my To Be Read list. It had been rec'd by a multitude of trusted tweeps, it was a short 6 chapters, and was rumoured to be very cute. And it was.

Accidents happen. Sometimes you die and meet God.
Sometimes you live and meet Doctor SexGod. B&E. AH. AU.

Died and Gone to Heaven by DoUTrustMe is a fun little AH/AU fic with a VERY sassy Bella and an exceedingly patient Edward. A patient Edward who is actually a doctor caring for Bella post-accident. Bella wakes up missing part of her memory, but none of her sass and endeavors to figure out who Edward is to her. Though she uncovers his "identity" within the first chapter, the next five are devoted to her learning just who she is, what she likes, and what their life is all about. It involves a lot of costumes, a lot of euphemisms, and a lot of lemons.

DoUTrustMe has created a very enthusiastic & fun-loving Bella with no brain-to-mouth filter. She's constantly compiling a list of her very favorite "Edward features" (I moved Doc Sex's ass to the top of my list.
He was undoing the buttons of his shirt. He was taking off his shirt. I added his back to the list.) Her Edward is patient, adoring, and tender. And he matches her wit for wit. Did I mention he's patient? Whether she's cutting the drawstrings out of his pajama bottoms or hiding his boxer briefs, he does nothing but play along and indulge her. As Bella relentlessly attempts to get him in bed post-accident, he handles her exuberance with affection and care. At the same time he helps reveal to her just what her life is all about. It's sweet, funny - particularly the first few chapters - and just the perfect read before bed.

I highly encourage you to give these two little finds a go. With so many angst/heartfail fics making the rounds these days, it was refreshing to find some light-hearted fun. And if I find more, I'll be sure to pass it along. Anything to help through this Breaking Dawn sort-of-drought. Gos forbid we pick up a "real" book.

Friday, October 22, 2010

The One With The Lemons

One night over the summer I was up late, chatting on the phone with about the only other person I can count on to be scrubbing kitchen counters at midnight like I am - MrsBing. Viva le OCD! So while we gave our countertops a mutual rubdown (albeit 1200 miles apart. It's better than phonesex for us) we covered our usual gamut of topics: Rob, Eclipse, the upcoming Comic Con, kidsfamilyfriends, and finally came to the portion of our conversation where we talk about Fic.

Now, I have absolutely NO idea which fic/s we were talking about at this point, but I was very enthusiastically telling her about some lemon I’d read when Manntastic walked in. And of course he’s all “what’s a lemon?”

Euphemism much?

Before I go further, let me give you a bit of background on Manntastic. He’s a very helpful husband with very few hobbies. He works nonstop & spends the bulk of his free-time with the kids or working in the yard. (I'm a lucky girl, believe me, I know!) So his evenings are pretty much spent hanging out & of course getting all up in my biz (that’s not a euphemism). Which is why it didn’t surprise me in the least when he sauntered into the kitchen that night looking for something to do & immediately inserted himself into my Lemon Convo with MrsBing. It went a little bit like this:

Manntastic: What’s a lemon? Wait, who’re you talking to? Is it MrsBing? Tell her HI! (he's such a girl)

Anntastic: Dude, after a year & a half of this, you don’t remember me telling you what a lemon is? (Oh, and MrsBing, he says HI) You totally know what a lemon is.

M: (as MrsBing & I giggle) Wait! Is it some sex thing? I KNOW you two & you can’t be talking about a car. Or actual fruit.

No babe, we're not talking about a car. Though some delicious lemons have taken place IN a car.
In fact, this photo might be good picspiration for a steamy one-shot.

A: Well, it’s not just fruit. I mean, there IS meat involved, right MrsBing?
(as she confirms my statement)

Uh, not that kind of meat. Then again, Manntastic HAS been
known to make sweet love to a platter of ribs.

M: So it’s something to do with porn. It’s porn right? Knowing you guys, it's naughty? (at this point I'd reached for my notepad)

A: Maaaaybe. (I decided to toy with him) I mean, you’ve definitely enjoyed the benefits of a lemon before. I mean, you should be falling to your knees and praising Jeebus for the power of The Lemon.

M: I have? You guys! Tell me! (as MrsBing & I are hysterical b/c he's being SUCH a girl!)

A: Tell you what, I’ll show you what a lemon is later on. Trust, you’ll like.
(ok- this next part is where it really gets good...)

M: You guys!!! It's pervy?’re not gonna shove something up my ass are you????

Uh no. I think you might prefer the M/F lemons, Manntastic.

***Anntastic dies laughing*** ***MrsBing dies laughing***

A: OMG YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT?!?! When have I EVER “shoved something up your ass?!” (to MrsBing: Although, that does happen in some lemons, and the guys seem to like it...)

M: (totally incredulous at this point but grinning nonetheless) OMG you guys. What? WHAT? You guys. Tell me. OMG YOU’RE SO GONNA BLOG ABOUT THIS AREN’T YOU??

Yes, Manntastic, because nothing is sacred, we ARE blogging about this. (:::waves::: Hi babe!) Of course, I told him later what “lemon” means in the Fanfic world. To make sure he fully understood the concept, I had him read a few lemons as well. He’s definitely on board with the citrus. He’s even wondered aloud how many “servings” of citrus one should be getting each day. ::snicker:: When life hands you lemons, suck them, squeeze them, tease them savor them. Because trust, me babe. You’ll like.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The One Where Kristen Brings It (Hard and Often)

After an especially mind blowing day of carpooling (heh), I just wanted to put my face into the cookie dough that had been sitting in my refrigerator all day. I waited until my kids were in bed (momma doesn't share cookie dough) to indulge. And then something happened. I had a sudden urge to cook the dough and eat real, baked cookies. Weird. So I throw the first batch into the oven, sit down, open Twitter, and... red carpet Stewporn was waiting. Ruh-roh.

Let's fast forward 15 minutes or so to the moment I realized that my cookies were black, solid, and not going to serve their very important purpose. I am blaming Kristen's legs. (And her hair, if we're being honest.) Her style at the Welcome to the Riley's screening was straight up srs bsns. And her Scream Awards appearance? Killed it (see fashion sidebar). I spent the entire cookie-burning time just clicking link after glorious link, checking Sunday's Scream Awards photos, yesterday morning's press junket photos, and the evening's WTTR screening photos. #Stewgasm I pulled them, compiled somewhere near eleventy billion emails, and sent them off to the traveling MrBing and our under-the-weather Anntastic. Somewhere out there, MrBing just locked himself in his room and Anntastic left the bathroom floor to view said pics on her desktop's more adequate screen. And I'm blaming Kristen's legs.

What did I tell you? This girl can cure all with an appearance. Now, she does it
for me in a hoodie and jeggings, but this here styling should convince the rest
of you. Her lacy Valentino dress was from the 2011 Resort Collection, but
her legs are causing the backup on the carpet. Somewhere in Baton Rouge, Rob is in agony.

Valentino and Atwood were clearly the perfect combination for Kristen's red carpet walk. Her smoky eyes and red lips complimented the dress+shoes styling, and her hair... ::cracks knuckles, tries desperately to form words from all of the awe floating around in my mind:: Her hair was pulled back, which gave her profile all of the attention. Deserved attention. But there was volume and it was the perfect amount. It wasn't party-with-Mango high, but it was high enough to be a point of focus (bravo! to Beau Nelson). Also? She kept her jewelry to a minimum with just two small rings, nothing gaudy, nothing to take away from The Steeze. In a word: sick.

She is flawless. I love her in a true love kind of way. That is all.

Dearest Mr. Atwood,
I would like to have babies with your Maniac platform pumps.
Or, at the very least, own a pair. The hidden 1.5-inch platform is gorg.
The 5.5-inch heel is making me weak.
Yours truly and forever,

Please note that Anntastic and I were not only anticipating Kristen's Regis & Kelly visit, but we have already hoarded the photos and entered covet-mode (Dior/Zanotti, of course). If I added this morning's heavenly fashion to this post, it would be a tad photo-heavy. You can expect more Stew love soon. Next up: Mantastic learns something new. You will flove it, trust.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

The One Where A Foursome Does.Us.In.

We were spent.

ComicCon was exhausting, the complete opposite of what a child-free vacation with girlfriends is expected to be. Even lunch breaks were killer. Please imagine four girls toting around ten dollar (read: really fucking small) pan pizzas, trying to find an outlet for our iPhones (read: shortest fucking battery life ever), dodging the security guard (read: man who totally hated babysitting 75,000 fanatic nerds for the weekend) who kept shuffling us around thanks to fire safety rules, all just to escape Sly Stallone's panel (read: The Expendables will blow). What did I tell you? Exhausting.

We all lost a lot of sleep during our four-day ComicCon experience. I will be bold enough to speak for the whole of our group when I say that it was worth it. But the evening that really did us in? 100 Monkeys played at The House of Blues and we shut the place down. Wow. They played for four hours, taking a 30-minute breather in between sets. They played the usual instruments and the we're-so-talented-whooops!-where-did-your-panties-go instruments: drums, bass, guitar, keyboard, trumpet, mandolin, harmonica, flute, and sax. I should also mention that they all traded instruments and that they all rotated leading the vocals. There was so much fucking talent on that stage. And Uncle? Don't get us started.

The band unloaded the truck, set up the entire stage to their liking,
and looked fucking sexy doing it. It's a damn miracle that I didn't say
something really stupid as j.action walked in (considering his cozy place on my List),
but I kept my mouth closed and let my eyes take the man in.
Let's thank Anntastic for pulling it together
enough to catch him mid-stride like this. With guitar. Unf.

While their lyrics are not of the sunshine variety, their enthusiasm and realness were. They were theatrical, genuine artists AND performers, which was a breath of fresh air because (please take note of this and pass it the fuck along) not all artists are performers and not all performers are artists. 100 Monkeys are truly both. And? They mean what they say and say what they mean when they pen their lyrics. Yes, this is one of their most popular songs, but this is one of my favorite examples (perhaps because it is sadly truefuckingfax):

Ugly Girl
She was young
But she liked to act younger than she was
She was dumb
But she liked to act more dumb than she was
For such a young, dumb, impetuous thing
Says if she goes then she'll go smilling
And of course, she'll leave a beautiful corpse

The problem with you's the problem with this world
It's an ugly world and you're, you're an ugly girl

ben g. with a smile that melts, right? Guess what? His talent matches it. ---flatline---

While eating pre-show, j.rad walked past our table and straight into the bathroom.
No, I did not follow (ngl, totally crossed my mind). But you can be certain
that I went Mad-Eye Moody on that door, keeping one eye on my delicious nomz burger
and the other on that bathroom door. When he came out, I asked for a photo
(I want to say I did it politely, but I think there was also a hint of
crazy-person in my voice) and he obliged. He was lovely, very gracious, didn't seem put out at all. ::sigh::

ben j. was one helluva drummer, but stepped away when other instruments called.
He also took to the mic a few times. These guys were extremely impressive.
Oh, and Anntastic chatted up his gf for a bit (she was kind and reallyfuckingcool)
and we found out that the 100 Monkeys gang is brainy, to boot. ikr?

It's possible that I waited like a maniac for the band to take down their instruments,
clean up the stage, and wait it out in the back. When they made their way out
of the HoB and out to the van, it's also possible that I said something
like, "Great show, guys. It was... really... great," as they passed me. Another possibility?
I sounded like a creep. But j.action turned around, smirked (sorry, there's just no other word for it),
and said, "Thanks." Yes, his smirk is enough to impregnate. j/s.

Wow. uncle was the BEST. When he's on stage, there's no looking elsewhere, he's it.
You just want to listen as he plays the most flawless music, and then you want to
ask him a million questions afterward, or maybe none at all, so that you can listen to
what he has to say. He's the best.

Making time for their show was hella worth it, and it was one major highlight of the trip. I'd see them live again in an instant. And if you need another reason to give them a shot, check their involvement with the Spencer Bell Legacy Project. Aaaaaaand GO.