The One With The Lemons

One night over the summer I was up late, chatting on the phone with about the only other person I can count on to be scrubbing kitchen counters at midnight like I am - MrsBing. Viva le OCD! So while we gave our countertops a mutual rubdown (albeit 1200 miles apart. It's better than phonesex for us) we covered our usual gamut of topics: Rob, Eclipse, the upcoming Comic Con, kidsfamilyfriends, and finally came to the portion of our conversation where we talk about Fic.

Now, I have absolutely NO idea which fic/s we were talking about at this point, but I was very enthusiastically telling her about some lemon I’d read when Manntastic walked in. And of course he’s all “what’s a lemon?”

Euphemism much?

Before I go further, let me give you a bit of background on Manntastic. He’s a very helpful husband with very few hobbies. He works nonstop & spends the bulk of his free-time with the kids or working in the yard. (I'm a lucky girl, believe me, I know!) So his evenings are pretty much spent hanging out & of course getting all up in my biz (that’s not a euphemism). Which is why it didn’t surprise me in the least when he sauntered into the kitchen that night looking for something to do & immediately inserted himself into my Lemon Convo with MrsBing. It went a little bit like this:

Manntastic: What’s a lemon? Wait, who’re you talking to? Is it MrsBing? Tell her HI! (he's such a girl)

Anntastic: Dude, after a year & a half of this, you don’t remember me telling you what a lemon is? (Oh, and MrsBing, he says HI) You totally know what a lemon is.

M: Uh...no? (as MrsBing & I giggle) Wait! Is it some sex thing? I KNOW you two & you can’t be talking about a car. Or actual fruit.

No babe, we're not talking about a car. Though some delicious lemons have taken place IN a car.

In fact, this photo might be good picspiration for a steamy one-shot.

A: Well, it’s not just fruit. I mean, there IS meat involved, right MrsBing?

(as she confirms my statement)

Uh, not that kind of meat. Then again, Manntastic HAS been

known to make sweet love to a platter of ribs.

M: So it’s something to do with porn. It’s porn right? Knowing you guys, it's naughty? (at this point I'd reached for my notepad)

A: Maaaaybe. (I decided to toy with him) I mean, you’ve definitely enjoyed the benefits of a lemon before. I mean, you should be falling to your knees and praising Jeebus for the power of The Lemon.

M: I have? You guys! Tell me! (as MrsBing & I are hysterical b/c he's being SUCH a girl!)

A: Tell you what, I’ll show you what a lemon is later on. Trust, you’ll like.

(ok- this next part is where it really gets good...)

M: You guys!!! It's pervy? Wait...you’re not gonna shove something up my ass are you????

Uh no. I think you might prefer the M/F lemons, Manntastic.

***Anntastic dies laughing*** ***MrsBing dies laughing***

A: OMG YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT?!?! When have I EVER “shoved something up your ass?!” (to MrsBing: Although, that does happen in some lemons, and the guys seem to like it...)

M: (totally incredulous at this point but grinning nonetheless) OMG you guys. What? WHAT? You guys. Tell me. OMG YOU’RE SO GONNA BLOG ABOUT THIS AREN’T YOU??

Yes, Manntastic, because nothing is sacred, we ARE blogging about this. (:::waves::: Hi babe!) Of course, I told him later what “lemon” means in the Fanfic world. To make sure he fully understood the concept, I had him read a few lemons as well. He’s definitely on board with the citrus. He’s even wondered aloud how many “servings” of citrus one should be getting each day. ::snicker:: When life hands you lemons, suck them, squeeze them, tease them savor them. Because trust, me babe. You’ll like.