Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The One With the Top Hat and Red Leather

Late one night last week (prior to Kristen's birthday) MrsBing & I were on Twitter ogling duRob's Budapest Booty in his formal gear. More specifically, his top hat and cane. And we were also speculating on whether or not Kristen would make the trip to Hungary for her Birthday (which we now know sister was THERE!) And that led to a series of back-and-forth tweets where we ruminated on how their weekend might turn out if they were to incorporate a few "props" from their most recent shoots. Which, of course, we had to turn into a post.

Rob & Kristen nail down travel plans via phone (sometime earlier in the week):

R: Alright then, everything's booked & all the super stealth ninja maneuvers are in place to get you out of LA & over here? Everyone has their orders?

K: Yeah, ASB has it all coordinated. Just be sure to keep Nick out of the loop & let Dean handle it all, ok? Now I just have to pack, but... well, I've been online...

R: Shit babe, you haven't been reading the daily reports coming out of the set have you? Cause that fecking Ricci-armpit hair thing is disgustingly true & I don't want you getting any ideas...

K: Um, Ew. GOD NO! But I have been looking at the photos. And, I think I know something you could give me for my Birthday.

R: ORLY???? (rakes his hand thru hair, bounces his leg excitedly)

K: Really. I noticed those terrible high-waisters you were wearing at first seem to have been upgraded to a reaaaaally nice formal suit and topcoat. And a cane....

Georges, you're just so... Dashing. Commanding. Demanding. And IN CHARGE.

R: ahhhh.... the cane. I wondered if you'd notice! Kinda reminds you of that fanfiction we read that night on the IoW, doesn't it?

K: Uuuuuh-huh! And you should see what those online h00rs are saying about you & the cane. (Makes note to remind Dean to make sure Clare's computer still has the CyperSitter installed) Anyway, do you think you could bring that cane back from the set? And maybe the top hat too?

R: Of course darling. Anything you'd like. (thinks for a minute) I've got a wonderful little settee over by the window back in my hotel suite. The back's about as high as your waist. We could turn the lights out & it'd give us a wonderful view of the countryside while I....

K: Flippy NO! I mean, yeah that's totally hot & I love that you read Fanfiction, but I had a different scene in mind for the hotel. I was hoping we could use the cane and maybe... (voice turns a little squeaky & high pitched) have a go in that carriage you were shooting in earlier this week?

K: I was kinda thinking it'd be fun to go for a ride...

R: (excitedly) Reee-ally? The carriage? You're more than a little bit naughty, aren't you? Wait, why're you being all polite here? You know you wear the pants in this relationship & I'll happily do whatever you wish, especially when you get that bossy little attitude of yours out. (mumbles to himself) God she fucking wrecks me!

K: (confidently) I know. I like to make you think you've a fighting chance... Anyway, so the carriage? I kinda have this whole, um, Titanic-fantasy-thing that I've been dying to try. I wanna see what it's like to "slum-it-in-the-luggage-room-with-a-passenger-from-Steerage."

K: I swear it wasn't me, it was the leather seat!

R: But Georges isn't a Steerage-class hobo. He's formal and commanding and carries a cane while doffing his hat??

K: (breathily) In know. I'M going to be Jack, the Steerage-Class passenger. YOU'LL play the part of Rose, the aristocrat. Only you'll be in your Gentleman's Clothes and I'll be in a pub-wench's dress.

R: Ok, I'm down with this, but no Chucks. I want fuck-me heels, ok?

R: Srsly? That's hot. And you'll really let me be in charge?

K: Fuck yeah. I wanna see what it's like to be bossed around a little bit. AND I want a proper shagging from an esteemed British bloke. One that's not dressed like a Hobo 99% of the time.

R: You dirty little... So basically, you want to heave and moan inside a 17th century carriage and then one of us will stamp a "seal of approval" on the fogged-up window during the happy ending? (nods) I like it. But unlike Titanic, there WILL be a happy ending. (grins) Maybe several if you bring that thing we found in Tom's room....

Rob was here. More than once, by the looks of things.

K: Exactly.... (trails of wistfully)

R: Damn. (takes deep breath, shakes head to focus) So then, um, the hotel room?

K: Oh yeah! That. So I was thinking about how we kept having to put the popcorn bucket over your lap during the Runaways premiere screening, especially during the red-jumpsuit part.

R: Just, lose the blush K. You know I like you more "Bella" than "Joan," right?

R: (giddily) You did not! You kept the red jumpsuit?

K: (hint of smile in her voice) Oh I did. And it's packed. The accessories too.

R: Shit... Dare I ask? The guitar?

K: Babe, listen. It's MY birthday. We're gonna wreck that hotel room, 70's styles. Only YOU'LL stay in character as duRob. You'll be all proper and have these weird little era-appropriate perceptions of women and I'm gonna give you a little concert. Maybe wearing a white T & my black panties, er knickers, while I jump up & down on the bed with my guitar and -

R: - (interrupts) - K, you're KILLING me! I've got a hard -

K: - (interrupts) - and then when I'm done doing that, I'm gonna put some pussy to the wood....

K: Babe? Rob? You still alive??


Kitty Elvis said...

OMFG I love this post. And that conversation really happened. I know it. I puffy heart you gals for enabling me. :)

Twi Sherry said...

That was freaking hilarious. Loved it.

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