The One Where EVERYONE Is All About Twi

As some of you RL readers know, I have a 5 year old son. For blogging purposes, we'll call him His Lordship, or HL for short. (why His Lordship? Because in the mind a toddler, mommy Lives To Serve. And serve his toddler-highness I do. Thus, the nickname). And as you RL readers know (including MrsBing, who's known HL since he was 7 months old) he has a VIVID imagination. He draws his "stories" from books he's read and movies he's seen. He has his favorites. And it has not slipped his notice that mommy has HER favorites.

HL does not miss a SINGLE THING. He taunts me about the (very obvious) Fun Size Edwards sitting next to my computer (how does a 5 year old get a sense of snark?). He's wondered out loud why there's a GIANT stack of Twilight related magazines ("memorabilia"), movie companions, etc. in the TV cabinet. He's studied the Twilight DVD cover religiously (he'd watch movies all day long if we'd let him) and has quizzed me repeatedly about who each person is.

And in regards to that last statement, here is what I've told him about Twilight (and ONLY after extensive questioning on his part):

"it's about a boy vampire named Edward who falls in love with a girl named Bella. Edward has a very nice vampire family. Some bad vampires come and want to take Bella away. I don't know why. But they do. So Edward and his family protect her and they make all the bad vamps go away."

One of these kids is not like the other! One of these kids has a Sparklepeen!

When New Moon promo hit the mainstream (he misses NOTHING I tell you), I had to tell him about Jacob: "He's Bella's very best friend, and he happens to be a werewolf! He's a Good Guy and wants to protect Bella from any bad vampires."

In short, he knows the gist of Twilight, he knows the difference between Edward Cullen and Robert Pattinson, he knows Taylor Lautner/Jacob is also Sharkboy, and he knows that Bella ("she's pretty") is named Kristen in real life.

Anyway, His Lordship and his BFF (we'll call her Susie) like to center their playtime around movies or stories they've recently seen. Usually it's got a princess theme (Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, etc. have been crowd favorites in the past) but last week, something changed.

I picked His Lordship up from Preschool last Thursday, and spent the ride home asking the usual questions - Did you have Music & Movement today? Were any kids out sick (yep, I'm a germaphobe!), Did you eat all of your lunch? And finally, this conversation:

Me: So'd you guys get to play outside since the sun was out today?

HL: Yeah we did & me & Susie & Bob all played Twilight.

Me: WHAT?

HL: We played Twiiii-light. You know, I was Edward and Susie was Alice... you know, Edward's sister. And were were good vampires and we sparkled, but instead of protecting just a regular girl like Bella, we protected two Princesses.

Me: :::jaw on floor::: frantically trying to pull over & write this down

Me: Well, um, that sounds fun. But didn't you say Bob was playing too. What was his part?

HL: He was that werewolf Jacob.

I was lit'rally crying/laughing after this exchange, my mind racing naughty thoughts like "oh please I hope they didn't reinact the tent scene" and who the hell were these slutty princesses? Of course I alerted Susie's mom (who is also a fan but not quite as diehard as I am) as I wasn't sure she'd LURVE her daughter playing Vampire with my son.

Anyway, a few days later (yesterday) he & I were playing Battle Brawlers (fucking piece of shit confusing Japanese game) and out of the blue he starts telling me how two of his classmates were going to Candyland where there were vampires. VAMPIRES IN CANDYLAND? Of course, I had my trusty Jesus Phone handy & was able to record a bit for your listening pleasure:

Traveling to Candyland (but only if you "pack up") where there will be candy for

Halloween, and Christmas, and Valentine's. Neca ought to be thrilled.

So kids, there you have it. Twilight has not only permeated my household, it's leaked onto the playground at preschool. Princesses beware.... And if there are Vampires in Candyland, please please please let it be that Dora version of Candyland, and please please please let Jasper take that bitch down.