The One With The Traaaaaaaaaai-ler

As we all know, the "final" Eclipse trailer arrived via Saint Oprah on Friiiiiiii-day! It was a mass frenzy online as the showed aired in different time zones & people NOT in the Chicago market clicked & refreshed until all the trusty sites had the blurry copy up on YouTube.

"You get a trailer, you get a trailer, you get a trailer...

You're all getting the TRAAAAAAA-ILER!"

The reactions were mixed. Personally, I was in grocery shopping hell with both kiddos in the stupid Car Cart (it's like the Grocery Shopping Cone of Shame) when the trailer aired. I checked my Twitter feed a few times in the store & the reactions were ALL over the place. Too much action. Not enough romance. BAD wardrobe, stilted lines. It's Slade's fault. It's Melissa's fault. It's Summit's fault. It's Kristen's fault (wtf? why is she always to blame? Bullshit). They should have recast the Pup. Watching Twitter was like being in a huge episode of Debbie Downer. Waaa Waaaaaa! I was so disheartened. But then again, we're all REALLY passionate about our Twilight, so yeah. I get it. Sort of.

There were, however, a few things that nearly everyone agreed on: The Ring is laughable, the Wig Department should be tried for Crimes Against Humanity, and Bryce is NOT Rachelle. Oh, and at 1:30 seconds, that's a full minute shorter than a normal trailer. WTF Summit? I'm going to go ahead & just assume that Oprah will have the exclusive reveal of another segment when she plays host to Rob, Kristen, Taylor, and DFann on May 13. (a subject for another post, for sure!) Either that or they'll show a little additional something at the MTV Movie Awards in June. They better.

Ok, so later on I went thru the trailer myself a few (dozen) times. And here are a few of the spots that made ME laugh. Or shake my head & say "Oh Summit!"

Edward's gone from pretty damn hip in Twilight, to Talbot's Tweed in NM, and now we're at... Accountant Chic? Pro-bono Lawyer Trying To Make Ends Meet? Stealing Plaid Shirts From Remember Me? Edward Cullen would NOT approve.

Edward, when did you start playing Paul Giamatti in "American Splendor?"

When watching the HD version that premiered later on Friday night, I kept getting hung up on the fact that Rob's makeup was just so....chalky? Powdery? OBVIOUS? this time around. I had to go look at some Hot RomeRob to cleanse my palate. No kidding.

Didn't you know, Vampires have always had a long & peaceful history with The Shire.

I couldn't screen-cap the sound of Carlisle's voice ("Someone's creaaaating ahn ahh-may") I but really liked the way Bellward looked in this scene. Edward's escaped the clutches of Accounting Wardrobe & is back to HotWard once again. Bella looks pretty and her wig looks fine. But the screen-cap just screamed "Couple Receiving News Bad News at the Free Clinic" to me.

E: You're sure it's mine, Doctor? Because I know for a fact she's been

slutting it up down on The Rez.... B: Edward, WE WERE ON A BREAK!

Say what you want about Jasper's wigs or Edward's inconsistent wardrobe, but in each of the films I've really liked what Bella's clothes. Maybe I was just grateful B didn't have to wear the items Stephenie described in the books. Sleeveless white button down? No thanks. Long khaki skirt? PASS! Until I saw this. Oh no no no no! Unless we've just caught our Bella creeping out of E's room in the wee hours of the morning wearing ONLY his blue shirt from the Meet The Cullens scene in Twilight, there is no good explanation for this 90's era top.

Alice... please. Can't you see that Jessica & Lauren are totes gonna make fun of me?

While everyone agreed that Riley looks massively hot & badass (do I see a new trend in Riley fics? Riley/Jasper anyone?) I thought the Vamp Army looked more like campy zombies. Which we all know David Slade is good at. They really don't bother me, but did provide a laugh when frozen in a screen-cap. Can you imagine the casting call for these dudes? Equal mix of men & women. Various ages (but really they all end up being 20-something hipsters), Nice racial diversity.

"I said Brrr....it's cold in here! There must be some zombies in the atmosphere!"

Look out Rancho Carne Torros, we are SO bringing it.

As for the ring? I don't even know what to say. It's a travesty. It's atrocious. It's BEING GIVEN TO YOU BY EDWARD FUCKING CULLEN. Screw the jewelry, you'll have eternity to wrangle an "upgrade." (But still, Summit....tsk tsk.)

Somehow they manage to keep her scar consistent throughout the films.

Even if it does look like James' dentist used her arm to make his retainer impressions!

I somehow imagined something more like this....at the very least.

I'm not even going into the whole Bryce Dallas Howard thing. I love her as an actress, I don' t love her (or her bouncy springy wig) as Victoria. I'm all about Rachelle. Regardless, the confrontation between her, Edward, Riley, and Seth looks like it's gonna be pretty damn good. Esp when I caught a glimpse of Seth (yay!) in my screen-caps.

A genuine squeeee-worthy moment for me: screen cap shows Seth

cornering Riley? Guarding Bella? Either way, I'm all Team Seth!!!

Come on, Edward! Gimme a fist-bump mah brotha!!

The last few seconds were pretty damn awesome with the wolves literally chewing up the scenery. But when I screen-capped this last shot I noticed the two people in the back. Is it supposed to be Alice & a Zombie/Vamp? If so, why does it look like they're finishing their tickle fight with a big hug?

Jake's all nom nom nom on Token Hipster Zombie!

And speaking of big endings... I know I'm not the only one that enjoyed Edward knocking down the tree. I could watch that over & over again.

You can dazzle me anytime, Edward.

Ok Summit, we might not have ALL been dazzled, but we still can't wait til 6/30. It's like Jake waiting for Bella. He knows she won't quite deliver, but he can't help but love her anyway. And you know we'll be there anyway.