Friday, April 9, 2010

The One With Where She Blows...Out Her Candles

So we all know that today is the 20th birthday of one Miss Kristen Stewart. Since (thankfully) we don't know for sure what she's up to, MrsBing and I thought we'd share a little list of things WE hope she might be doing to mark her 20th trip around the sun.

Just for posterity, this is who what she was doing on her 18th birthday:

R: "Saaaaa-weet! Bitch is finally legal!"
K: Rob, did you just Say that. Out loud?


Top Ten Ways KStew Celebrates Her 20th Birthday:

10. Hanging out at home. "Relaxing" of course!

Just needed a breath of fresh air before I blow out all these candles!

9. Shopping at The Grove dressed incognito as the 4th Hanson Brother & smirking at the papz when they don't recognize her. Or the Hansons.

One of these kids is not like the others, one of these kids...has a vagina!

8. Getting a mani/pedi with Dakota & stopping for gas afterwards.

"U guiiiiise! Stop taking piiiic-shurs! Y'all are makin' me feel
like Britney Spears with all these gas station pics!"

7. Drinking "soda" & then going target shooting, except all the targets will look like guys from X17 or TMZ.

6. Rehearsing songs for "Breaking Dawn The Musical: Electric Boogaloo & Renesmee Too"

"I need someone older and wiser telling me what to do.
You are 17 going on 107, I'll depend on you!"

5. Renting out a theater to screen Hot Tub Time Machine for all her besties.

4. Hanging out with Jimmy. Preferably in a tree.


3. Doing the Dine 'n' Dash at one of Guy Fieri's restaurants. Payback for the Hanky Panky game on Leno, dude.

She's just so.... fast. And thorough. I'm amazed every time!

2. Putting her pussy to the wood. We'll just leave that open to interpretation.

That's not what I meant by pussy. Or wood.

1. Rob. (See #2)

Happy Birthday, Babe. Do you recognize me without my
signature Hobo-stylings? Budapest has been a bitch without you.
Now, let me show you my cane... 20 lashings.


In all seriousness, we wish the lovely, talented, totally-unique, Mistress of the Short Hemline & Stiletto, a very Happy 20th Birthday. Cheers to you babe! (well, next year anyway).


4 comments:

LJ said...

You rock.

Kitty Elvis said...

I have been laughing all day about JoanStew in the red jumpsuit getting it on with DuRob. Hehe!

TexasKatherine said...

This was hysterical! My hat is off to you again.

TFX-Of KeepersoftheNaughtySparkle said...

OMG!!! The Hansens...I just..cannot! Was the Panic Room Stew? She looked JUST LIKE them!

Can't believe you had the pot-pic, though I'm SURE she has migraines or something.

Her makeup looks flawless in that last picture of her.

FANTASTIC! <3

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