Sunday, June 13, 2010

The One Where Twilight Is Everywhere

The zoo. Really? Really. Twilight is everywhere.

A good friend of mine recently took her children to the zoo. Please go out on a limb here and imagine how Twilight might have crept up on her during such a visit. Yes, good luck with that. There was obviously some excitement for the Petting Zoo, right? Kids love that little germ-ridden gem of a stink-area. So I receive a call afterwards, detailing the Petting Zoo experience. If you can believe it, there were four goats there and they were named... wait for it... Edward, Bella, Jacob, and Nessie. GAH! I cannot control myself, even now, even after eyeing these photos and replaying that story to myself repeatedly. I still die every single time. Goats.

Nessie, Edward, Jacob, & Bella. As Boer goats. Major WTF moment happening here.

To be honest, this little sitch has ruined a lot for me. There are so many lines in this four-book saga that I reread with a completely different mind-set. For instance, Bella says to Edward, "I'm trying to figure out what you are." Vampire? No. A fucking Boer goat? Yes. I want to meet the chick who thought that these goats should be named after Twilight characters. And you know it's a chick. There's no way a man was involved in these shenanigans.

Wait! Bella the Goat stepped aside to let Jake and Nessie
grab a bite. Perhaps Bella the Goat is more okay with the daughter/BFF relaysh than
Bella the Human is. Either that, or lunchtime at the Petting Zoo just got AWKWARD.

I did a little research on Boer goats. Maybe the smarty in charge of naming the goats knew what she was doing. Or was she just feeling like outing her Twi-shameface in a most ultimate way? Let's see, shall we? Allow me to enlighten you:
--Boer goats have more "rambunctious personalities" than other petting zoo goats.
--They prefer hot, dry semi-deserts.
--Boer goats are herd animals.
--These goats are herbivores.
--They were "developed in South Africa in the 1900's from a cross of indigenous goats and Indian or European goats."

What ever does this mean?
--More rambunctious? This sounds more like the wolves than the vampires, eh? Perhaps she hit the nail on the head naming one of them JACOB.
--The goats prefer it hot. Nessie prefers it hot. Well, she will in 18 years. Gross.
--Hey! Herd animals! The wolves travel in packs and the Cullen's are all coven-like and shit. Hmmmmm, these names are seeming more and more appropriate.
--Now, we know that the vampires are NOT herbivores (**cough** grizzlies **cough**), but they ARE "vegetarian" vampires...
--This is where I see that the Twi-zookeeper has done her fucking research. INDIGENOUS. Unbelievable. 'Nuff said.

Ladies first! Always such the gentleman, that Edward.
Even Edward the Goat lets Bella hunt- er, eat- first.

In keeping with #TwilightIsEverywhere, we need to know: IS THIS NORMAL? Are there any more animals named after these characters that we need to know about? Please spill.


TexasKatherine said...

I'm not sure about animals, but I see Twilight EVERYWHERE! Some poor girl in my son's class was named Isabelle & I'll be damned if I didn't get her name wrong all year.

I want to adopt those goats. j/s

Carlin said...

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. I still can't believe it!!!

Kerri said...

Yeah. I read that baby names are changing to familiar characters we love. Isabella is the number one name. Alice was up there too. Jacob, Emmett and Edward were popular too. The people who wrote the article had no clue that their popular because of Twilight. She assumed old fashioned names were getting popular again. Idiot! Personally, I love the name Jasper. Always have. I have a son named Liam, and there was an irish vampire called Liam in BD. I squeed a little.

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