Thursday, June 24, 2010

The One With The Premiere

So the Eclipse Premiere is tonight in LA. Did you hear that? THE Premiere. You know, the one where people have been camping out in tents since last Monday just to get a spot on the Red Carpet, causing the nation in general to laugh & shake their collective heads at the Twihards (Star Wars/BSG/Trekkie conventioneers, you can thank us as you feel free to move about the country with no one laughing in your direction!) For the last two weeks, Fandom acquaintances of ours have trekked to LA for various cast sightings... Kimmel & Leno tapings, TwiCon, concerts, advance screenings, you name it. But two day ago some authors we know & love found themselves in possession of 4 tickets to tonight's premiere. Can you say le jealz? I can't... because of the epic ::squeeeeeeees:: coming out of my mouth. OMG can you imagine?

I figure that they've got to be operating on pure fangirl adrenaline - or possibly Red Bull & Vodka - at this point so they might not be thinking clearly about what things they can & can't do at the event. I thought I'd jot down a few Do's & Don'ts for TeamLeghitch, as well as remind them of some things they might want to keep their eyes out for. Besides Rob. Duh.

Look at you guise! All dolled up! We'll call it Smut In the City - Eclipse Styles.
Imma let you 4 decide who's Carrie though... (not it!)

ECLIPSE DON'T....copy the costumes. There were quite a few tweets yesterday by Carrie & Co about What To Wear. The only thing I can safely say to you h00rs is if you're not wearing any one of these 3 frocks, you'll be fine. Esp steer clear of the red one.... ew.

That would be a definitive No, No, and HELL NO!
Ok then, let's go find a nice BCBG Max Azria number then...

ECLIPSE DON'T... Forget to pad your bewbies. I happen to know that one of you may or may not be playing the role of Dairy Fairy in real life. Way to go, Mama! While that's wonderful & tender & special... leaky boobs have no place near a Red Carpet. Let alone a carpet that will be trod upon by one Robert Pattinson. So please (and you know who you are *winks, ILY!*) remember the breast pads. Maybe pack an extra pair b/c we know Rob's photos are powerful enough to render spontaneous ovulation & instant impregnation. Can you imagine what seeing him in person might do to one's "let down" reflex? NGL, I get a little achy just thinking about tit! (pun intended)

Thanks Tori! We SO appreciate you showing us what NOT to wear.
More like what you SHOULD be wearing. Ew.

ECLIPSE DON'T....Pull a "Ross & Rachel." Another one of you has let it be known that she's "broken up" with Rob at the moment. I think it has to do with some Twilight-oversaturation & extreme rabidness of the fangirls as of late. Plus, I know she's been mentally screening fresh meat for starring roles in the yet-to-be-cast Hunger Games & Shiver movies. Her eye has wandered at bit, Rob! But I've already seen her mention your fuckhawt jaw, so I'd watch it if I were you, Mr. Pattinson. She just might yell THIS when she sees you kissing Bella.

WE. WERE. ON. A. BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ECLIPSE DO... Keep your eyes peeled for the unexpected. Charlotte *wink* I know you'll probably be wearing your Power Panties. Good girl! But keep an eye out, because there's evidence that not everyone in the Twi-cast feels the need for cheekies. Something worth looking out for, and if this problem occurs once again, you might politely steer Ms. Reaser towards @KStew411's FandomGivesBack merchandise which includes the "Robust Butt" undies. Coverage AND conscientious panty purchasing, as all proceeds to go Alex's Lemonade!

Oh my Esme!!! So cheeky & naughty of you! Let's get some spankies on, ok?

ECLIPSE DO... Bring some In N Out to entice Rob over to say hello. He loves it, I know you love it, and at the very least, TayTay will come running over because we KNOW how he loves his beef patties.

And if Big Daddy gets ahold of this instead, please to be keeping all
hands & arms away from his mouth for your own safety!

ECLIPSE DO... Rob, duh! As for Rob...I don't even know what to say. Scream? Talk to him? Ask where the sexpender pants are? Tacklefuck? Yeah. I got nothing. I don't know what I'd do, esp in that setting. So good luck & I wish you a long & lustful sighting of The Pretty. I also advise you each to get some Icy Hot for your arms, because I'm sure there will be major clutching & grabbing of one another as you gasp your way through the film. I *know* how one of you was during Remember Me... :)

Ladies... I hope you brought your Shamwows. Cause I plan on causing
panties to disintegrate ALL OVER THIS CARPET tonight.

And finally, a quick Scavenger Hunt I've put together to keep you busy while you wait on the stars to arrive. Here's the items I NEED for you to find. Get on it, h00rs!

- Corner Alex Meraz & after you grope him, find out which Fics his wife has read (she reads them)

- Make it a point to get a photo with EACH of K & R's key entourage members: Dean, Nick, Stephanie, and of course Agent Security Guard, & Hottie Security Guard.

- Four words: Billy. Burke. Mustache. Ride. Got it?

- Find out what Kristen uses on her skin. To retain that gorg complexion (and keep Rob's eyes GLUED to her)

- Get a hug from Big Daddy. I imagine it'd be like hugging a sweaty bear.

- Assess THE chemistry. You know what I'm talking about. Love'm or hate'm (I love it!) we all wanna know.

- Daniel Cudmore. Enough said, ok?

- If you see Lilo or J Love Hewitt....trip them.

- CORNER MELISSA ROSENBERG & talk some fucking sense into her. Slip her your Fics, Dairy Fairy & tell her to Take. Note. ::nods:: Get on it.

And finally ladies. Have a fucking blast. Take pics if you can, and if nothing else, we need to know about the LEGHITCH! We're dying to know. Just make sure you don't do anything that'd cause your night to end like this:

Again, I'll let you sort out who is playing who...
but have fun & BE SAFE!


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