The One Where We Present To You Hardwicke-Level Creep

Thanks to a thoughtful and accepting (of our crazy) dear girlfriend of ours, Anntastic and I are now delighted owners of a new and fucking brilliant book, Dick and Jane and Vampires. Let me just say that if talk of bouffants and sculpted eyebrows and "...let's be simple about this" had you in hysterics, this will have a similar effect. (Note: I have a sneakyfuckingfeeling that this may possibly be the shortest post in Twi-fecta history, as I am now, quite literally, itching for a commentary fix.) This book is a compilation of thirty-one stories so full of win, we'll probably be pulling out the book and posting favorites for months to come. Take that as your warning. First installment: "Fun With Father."

Dude, I didn't believe this was real until I held it in my hands. It's indescribable.

At the very same time that the hilarity of Dick+Jane+vampires took over, the illustrations scared the Rob-loving shit out of me. The creep factor is equivalent to the creep that Hardwicke contributed to the commentary every time she opened her damn (creep) mouth. ::rushes to complete post so that I can watch it already:: In "Fun With Father", Dick and Jane approach the couch thinking that the man reading the paper is Father. He drops the paper to his lap, scares the proper shit out of them, and then they run away screaming. This little gem is three pages of creep. When our amazing (See? She's like no other!) pal introduced me to this book, we chose stories at random and laughed so hard that real tears happened. This particular one made me happier than the New Moon DVD release spreadsheet did. For those who don't know me, that says a lot. I procrastinate on the professional level and that spreadsheet circulated long before I had my shit together. I digress. Bottom line: These stories will bring happy to your day. If you do not own this book, please make purchase during your next visit to the bookstore. Like, now.

What the mother fuck is happening here?