The One Where We're Mobile...With Jazz Hands and other stuff.

First of all, can I just say how damn excited I am that I can use THIS craptastically fugly manip I made back for KStew's Birthday Post again? When I heard that Bill Condon was confirmed to direct Breaking Dawn yesterday, my first thought was "Sweet! The Breaking Dawn VonCullen Jazz Hands Manip!" Yeah, it was closely followed by a ton of other thoughts ("give it a chance, it will be good... it could be good... please don't mess up her wedding dress, please let Rob bite some pillows, please DEAR LORD surprise us all & make Renesmee tolerable, and for the love of all that's Hobo, PLEASE don't wait til 2013!") Mostly though? We're just excited. Come on, Bill...do your best, we'll be here regardless (unless it's 2013 and I'm in the nursing home already...)

I cannot WAIT to see if they do a BPA-free sippy cup for Renesmee!

So now it's time for a little Twi-fecta house-keeping. We're now mobile (and yes, I like to say it all British-like in my head) thanks to Twicupcake and her FANTASTIC instructions over on her site - Twi-mobile. Now you can enjoy us anytime you'd like (come on, I KNOW yall bring your phones with you to the loo!) Check out the linky, right over there in the sidebar -------->>>

::waves HI to Twicupcake!:: THANK YOU for your fab instructions!

If you have an iPhone, we have a little "app"-like button for you to save to your "home page" and it'll link you to our mobile site anytime you'd like. It works for Blackberries too. It's a LOT faster & less complicated than trying to view us through your mobile web. Even if you don't have an iPhone, the mobile site is still the very best way to view Twifecta and not have to deal with all the sidebar action or wait on the loading process. It gives you our posts in a neat little list & you can click to read whichever one you'd like!

And for anyone interested in going mobile, PLEASE pop over & visit Twicupcake on her blog. She has fantastic information on making your site mobile, finding other Twi-blogs that are mobile, and DETAILED instructions on how to do both (it's easy. Trust.) Plus, she's got a ton of Rob/Kristen wallpapers for your phone (for tons of models, no less!) as well as instructions on how to (wait for it) get & read fanfiction on your phone. Go over & say hi...she's a wealth of knowledge!

Now that's out of the way, let's get down to business because you know we all just want to see The Pretties. We all know they're back in Vancity, shooting more of THIS:

Didn't you drop Jake off at Doggy Daycare this morning?

I was thrilled to see a happy happy Kristen in her ride from the VC airport the other day. I think Lainey nailed it - the girl knows the game, she just likes her version played with a long lens and no glare. Don't blame her. And then there's the Sparkly One who brought along the Old Standbyes: The BBJ, The Guitar, The Adidas, The LB hat, The Hoodie, and of course, Dean :) We're big fans of Dean & ASB over here :)

Oh Rob, we could write STORIES about that jacket! Where it's been, why we've

not seen it for a year, why you brought it out now. On second thought,

I think the BBJ should write the story.

And finally, Kellan joined Twitter. I cannot tell you how happy this makes me because I KNOW this will provide the blogosphere with endless fodder. Kellan, you're cute, you're fun, but dude... I am waiting with bated breath to find out what "indiginous charities" are.

I sincerely hope you can knock those Bieber & Cyrus twats off the the Trending Topic list.

Another go in the Calvins would almost guarantee that.

The One Where We Say It. Out Loud.

Since I have become more involved with this fandom (and all of its awesomeness), I have noticed a shitton of drama woven around and throughout us all. And I wonder why we do this to each other. Aren't we all just. fucking. tired. from our daily routines, kids, jobs, houses, yards, etc? Do we need to add to our own exhaustion and annoyances by creating drama? I have been naive enough to believe that the drama would thin out as we become older and wiser. Pish. Could I be more wrong?

This fandom is filled with genuine, bright, and giving women. Think about how much time and effort is put into The Fandom Gives Back, into each fic and each review, into organizing auctions and complilations, and into giving, giving, giving. How many of you have made real (and sincere and wonderful and non-judgy) friends just by joining fansites, Twitter, or Facebook? The Twilight books and movies get ragged on for many reasons: from the ridiculousness of vampire- and werewolf-highschoolers to the sub-par writing. From the fact that it is so mainstream (going mainstream makes things uncool, didn't you know?) to the mass hysteria that the whole series conjures up each time the cast appears on a talk show or a red carpet. And don't even get us started on the drama surrounding Kristen, Rob, Robsten, Nonsten...whatever.

But listen up, because this is me stepping up onto my high and mighty horse: American Idol squees are no more acceptable than Twilight squees, Harry Potter squees are no cooler than Twilight squees, and raising money for charities through other groups is NO more worthwhile and meangingful than raising money for charities through a Twilight-based group. Fucking factual. If you enjoy something and regain a tiny smidge of sanity each day thanks to it, then it doesn't matter what it is. Oh, and donating is donating. Period.

Donating is donating... unless of course, you're donating to this.

Shame on the drama-mongers who are seemingly unable to remove themselves from their high and mighty horses long enough to chill the fuck out. Not one of us is any better than another. And that is a true fucking statement. It does not matter what your degree is in, how many years you attended school, who your friends are, what your job is, nor how many years of life experience you have. It truly doesn't. We, as women, should be supportive of one another, regardless of our differences. Stop ragging on one another and show some support. Be friendly and genuine. I'm tired and I don't see the tired letting up. Drama worsens the tired, so PLEASE let's be done with it.

When I was in the fifth grade, my very best friend in the world was named Allison. We each had halves of the token "Best Friends Forever" necklace, of course. One day, I brought a blue raspberry BlowPop to another girl on the bus (because it was her favorite flavor and I wasn't a fan), and out came the drama. Over a BlowPop. You see, Allison came to my house that afternoon to let me know that we weren't best friends anymore because I gave it to Jane instead of her. I said "okay" and closed the door. We removed our BFF charms. Over a BlowPop. In a nutshell, if you bring drama into my life, please to be removing yourself from it.

This. Only we don't reserve this for just the men in our lives, we do this to each other, as well.

Does this make anyone else tired? I'm le tired.

Because this is what it's really about, right?

The One With The Traaaaaaaaaai-ler

As we all know, the "final" Eclipse trailer arrived via Saint Oprah on Friiiiiiii-day! It was a mass frenzy online as the showed aired in different time zones & people NOT in the Chicago market clicked & refreshed until all the trusty sites had the blurry copy up on YouTube.

"You get a trailer, you get a trailer, you get a trailer...

You're all getting the TRAAAAAAA-ILER!"

The reactions were mixed. Personally, I was in grocery shopping hell with both kiddos in the stupid Car Cart (it's like the Grocery Shopping Cone of Shame) when the trailer aired. I checked my Twitter feed a few times in the store & the reactions were ALL over the place. Too much action. Not enough romance. BAD wardrobe, stilted lines. It's Slade's fault. It's Melissa's fault. It's Summit's fault. It's Kristen's fault (wtf? why is she always to blame? Bullshit). They should have recast the Pup. Watching Twitter was like being in a huge episode of Debbie Downer. Waaa Waaaaaa! I was so disheartened. But then again, we're all REALLY passionate about our Twilight, so yeah. I get it. Sort of.

There were, however, a few things that nearly everyone agreed on: The Ring is laughable, the Wig Department should be tried for Crimes Against Humanity, and Bryce is NOT Rachelle. Oh, and at 1:30 seconds, that's a full minute shorter than a normal trailer. WTF Summit? I'm going to go ahead & just assume that Oprah will have the exclusive reveal of another segment when she plays host to Rob, Kristen, Taylor, and DFann on May 13. (a subject for another post, for sure!) Either that or they'll show a little additional something at the MTV Movie Awards in June. They better.

Ok, so later on I went thru the trailer myself a few (dozen) times. And here are a few of the spots that made ME laugh. Or shake my head & say "Oh Summit!"

Edward's gone from pretty damn hip in Twilight, to Talbot's Tweed in NM, and now we're at... Accountant Chic? Pro-bono Lawyer Trying To Make Ends Meet? Stealing Plaid Shirts From Remember Me? Edward Cullen would NOT approve.

Edward, when did you start playing Paul Giamatti in "American Splendor?"

When watching the HD version that premiered later on Friday night, I kept getting hung up on the fact that Rob's makeup was just so....chalky? Powdery? OBVIOUS? this time around. I had to go look at some Hot RomeRob to cleanse my palate. No kidding.

Didn't you know, Vampires have always had a long & peaceful history with The Shire.

I couldn't screen-cap the sound of Carlisle's voice ("Someone's creaaaating ahn ahh-may") I but really liked the way Bellward looked in this scene. Edward's escaped the clutches of Accounting Wardrobe & is back to HotWard once again. Bella looks pretty and her wig looks fine. But the screen-cap just screamed "Couple Receiving News Bad News at the Free Clinic" to me.

E: You're sure it's mine, Doctor? Because I know for a fact she's been

slutting it up down on The Rez.... B: Edward, WE WERE ON A BREAK!

Say what you want about Jasper's wigs or Edward's inconsistent wardrobe, but in each of the films I've really liked what Bella's clothes. Maybe I was just grateful B didn't have to wear the items Stephenie described in the books. Sleeveless white button down? No thanks. Long khaki skirt? PASS! Until I saw this. Oh no no no no! Unless we've just caught our Bella creeping out of E's room in the wee hours of the morning wearing ONLY his blue shirt from the Meet The Cullens scene in Twilight, there is no good explanation for this 90's era top.

Alice... please. Can't you see that Jessica & Lauren are totes gonna make fun of me?

While everyone agreed that Riley looks massively hot & badass (do I see a new trend in Riley fics? Riley/Jasper anyone?) I thought the Vamp Army looked more like campy zombies. Which we all know David Slade is good at. They really don't bother me, but did provide a laugh when frozen in a screen-cap. Can you imagine the casting call for these dudes? Equal mix of men & women. Various ages (but really they all end up being 20-something hipsters), Nice racial diversity.

"I said Brrr....it's cold in here! There must be some zombies in the atmosphere!"

Look out Rancho Carne Torros, we are SO bringing it.

As for the ring? I don't even know what to say. It's a travesty. It's atrocious. It's BEING GIVEN TO YOU BY EDWARD FUCKING CULLEN. Screw the jewelry, you'll have eternity to wrangle an "upgrade." (But still, Summit....tsk tsk.)

Somehow they manage to keep her scar consistent throughout the films.

Even if it does look like James' dentist used her arm to make his retainer impressions!

I somehow imagined something more like this....at the very least.

I'm not even going into the whole Bryce Dallas Howard thing. I love her as an actress, I don' t love her (or her bouncy springy wig) as Victoria. I'm all about Rachelle. Regardless, the confrontation between her, Edward, Riley, and Seth looks like it's gonna be pretty damn good. Esp when I caught a glimpse of Seth (yay!) in my screen-caps.

A genuine squeeee-worthy moment for me: screen cap shows Seth

cornering Riley? Guarding Bella? Either way, I'm all Team Seth!!!

Come on, Edward! Gimme a fist-bump mah brotha!!

The last few seconds were pretty damn awesome with the wolves literally chewing up the scenery. But when I screen-capped this last shot I noticed the two people in the back. Is it supposed to be Alice & a Zombie/Vamp? If so, why does it look like they're finishing their tickle fight with a big hug?

Jake's all nom nom nom on Token Hipster Zombie!

And speaking of big endings... I know I'm not the only one that enjoyed Edward knocking down the tree. I could watch that over & over again.

You can dazzle me anytime, Edward.

Ok Summit, we might not have ALL been dazzled, but we still can't wait til 6/30. It's like Jake waiting for Bella. He knows she won't quite deliver, but he can't help but love her anyway. And you know we'll be there anyway.

The One With the Interstate Showdown

I am sure you have noticed once or twice before that Twilight is everywhere. I see things everyday- I kid you not- that scream TWILIGHT. I hear words, phrases, full-on stories on a daily basis that scream TWILIGHT. Monday was no exception.

This is what I feel like. When Twilight happens throughout my day, I swear that my

own fucking genie pops up over my shoulder and yells, "Twilight!"

It's referenced so often (and at random) that I have no idea how I get anything done.

I was on the interstate (after dropping The Captain off at preschool, I usually head over to the bookstore, which always screams TWILIGHT) and came upon a slow-ass vehicle that wasn't going to change lanes anytime soon. Juuuuust before moving to the left to pass said slow-ass vehicle, I noticed a bumper sticker that nearly escaped me. It was a black bumper sticker on a black car. How did it catch my attention, you wonder? Maybe it was the fucking TWILIGHT font that did it. Maybe it was the combination of "Jacob" and "Black" that did it. I don't remember which detail caught my eye first because the moment that I was alerted to the sticker, I was on a fucking mission. A mission, I tell you.

That's right, JacobLover was in front of me, barely moving on the interstate.

I almost pissed myself when I read the sticker because I knew what I must do.

Instead of pissing, I giggled with delight.

TeamFuckingJacob. Blocking my lane in her slow-moving car (how unlike the wolves is that? I'm guessing no one is going to refer to her as the Wolf Girl...) and displaying that sticker for all to see. Please, child. It's obvious what my reaction was. And it's obvious by my reaction that I am a certifiable fanatic/lunatic. It went a little something like this:

1. Enable left turn signal. I'm passing this bitch, but not before I represent Team Edward...
2. Change lanes.
3. Mimic her slow-ass speed whilst keeping my eyes on the road and my hands in my bag.
4. Feel for it, feel for it,... YES! I found my bag o' miniatures and felt around for Edward, of course.
5. With PocketEdward at the ready, I speed up until I'm even with JacobLover. Maintain fucking speed.
6. Wave PocketEdward around as close to my passenger window as I possibly can while keeping my ass in the seat.
7. Team Edward loyalty established.

I was unable to take a photo of the waving-around-of-PocketEdward because I am a safe and responsible driver (much unlike JacobLover). But this is what I was waving around at her. Maybe if he sparkled and shone like diamonds, we would have caught her attention...

And would you believe that my efforts were wasted? Apparently, JacobLover was so busy applying mascara while driving, that she missed out on the rad little show that I was putting on in the neighboring lane. 'Tis okay. I simply passed PocketEdward back to LittleMan to play with. He carried him into the bookstore with us, and PocketEdward spent the remainder of the morning keeping busy with the kiddos and taunting the other bookstore mummies to make the change, come over to our side, Team Edward forthemotherfuckingwin.

The One With the Top Hat and Red Leather

Late one night last week (prior to Kristen's birthday) MrsBing & I were on Twitter ogling duRob's Budapest Booty in his formal gear. More specifically, his top hat and cane. And we were also speculating on whether or not Kristen would make the trip to Hungary for her Birthday (which we now know sister was THERE!) And that led to a series of back-and-forth tweets where we ruminated on how their weekend might turn out if they were to incorporate a few "props" from their most recent shoots. Which, of course, we had to turn into a post.

Rob & Kristen nail down travel plans via phone (sometime earlier in the week):

R: Alright then, everything's booked & all the super stealth ninja maneuvers are in place to get you out of LA & over here? Everyone has their orders?

K: Yeah, ASB has it all coordinated. Just be sure to keep Nick out of the loop & let Dean handle it all, ok? Now I just have to pack, but... well, I've been online...

R: Shit babe, you haven't been reading the daily reports coming out of the set have you? Cause that fecking Ricci-armpit hair thing is disgustingly true & I don't want you getting any ideas...

K: Um, Ew. GOD NO! But I have been looking at the photos. And, I think I know something you could give me for my Birthday.

R: ORLY???? (rakes his hand thru hair, bounces his leg excitedly)

K: Really. I noticed those terrible high-waisters you were wearing at first seem to have been upgraded to a reaaaaally nice formal suit and topcoat. And a cane....

Georges, you're just so... Dashing. Commanding. Demanding. And IN CHARGE.

R: ahhhh.... the cane. I wondered if you'd notice! Kinda reminds you of that fanfiction we read that night on the IoW, doesn't it?

K: Uuuuuh-huh! And you should see what those online h00rs are saying about you & the cane. (Makes note to remind Dean to make sure Clare's computer still has the CyperSitter installed) Anyway, do you think you could bring that cane back from the set? And maybe the top hat too?

R: Of course darling. Anything you'd like. (thinks for a minute) I've got a wonderful little settee over by the window back in my hotel suite. The back's about as high as your waist. We could turn the lights out & it'd give us a wonderful view of the countryside while I....

K: Flippy NO! I mean, yeah that's totally hot & I love that you read Fanfiction, but I had a different scene in mind for the hotel. I was hoping we could use the cane and maybe... (voice turns a little squeaky & high pitched) have a go in that carriage you were shooting in earlier this week?

K: I was kinda thinking it'd be fun to go for a ride...

R: (excitedly) Reee-ally? The carriage? You're more than a little bit naughty, aren't you? Wait, why're you being all polite here? You know you wear the pants in this relationship & I'll happily do whatever you wish, especially when you get that bossy little attitude of yours out. (mumbles to himself) God she fucking wrecks me!

K: (confidently) I know. I like to make you think you've a fighting chance... Anyway, so the carriage? I kinda have this whole, um, Titanic-fantasy-thing that I've been dying to try. I wanna see what it's like to "slum-it-in-the-luggage-room-with-a-passenger-from-Steerage."

K: I swear it wasn't me, it was the leather seat!

R: But Georges isn't a Steerage-class hobo. He's formal and commanding and carries a cane while doffing his hat??

K: (breathily) In know. I'M going to be Jack, the Steerage-Class passenger. YOU'LL play the part of Rose, the aristocrat. Only you'll be in your Gentleman's Clothes and I'll be in a pub-wench's dress.

R: Ok, I'm down with this, but no Chucks. I want fuck-me heels, ok?

R: Srsly? That's hot. And you'll really let me be in charge?

K: Fuck yeah. I wanna see what it's like to be bossed around a little bit. AND I want a proper shagging from an esteemed British bloke. One that's not dressed like a Hobo 99% of the time.

R: You dirty little... So basically, you want to heave and moan inside a 17th century carriage and then one of us will stamp a "seal of approval" on the fogged-up window during the happy ending? (nods) I like it. But unlike Titanic, there WILL be a happy ending. (grins) Maybe several if you bring that thing we found in Tom's room....

Rob was here. More than once, by the looks of things.

K: Exactly.... (trails of wistfully)

R: Damn. (takes deep breath, shakes head to focus) So then, um, the hotel room?

K: Oh yeah! That. So I was thinking about how we kept having to put the popcorn bucket over your lap during the Runaways premiere screening, especially during the red-jumpsuit part.

R: Just, lose the blush K. You know I like you more "Bella" than "Joan," right?

R: (giddily) You did not! You kept the red jumpsuit?

K: (hint of smile in her voice) Oh I did. And it's packed. The accessories too.

R: Shit... Dare I ask? The guitar?

K: Babe, listen. It's MY birthday. We're gonna wreck that hotel room, 70's styles. Only YOU'LL stay in character as duRob. You'll be all proper and have these weird little era-appropriate perceptions of women and I'm gonna give you a little concert. Maybe wearing a white T & my black panties, er knickers, while I jump up & down on the bed with my guitar and -

R: - (interrupts) - K, you're KILLING me! I've got a hard -

K: - (interrupts) - and then when I'm done doing that, I'm gonna put some pussy to the wood....

K: Babe? Rob? You still alive??

The One Where Twifecta Gets Behind-the-Scenes

The Twi-cast has been all up in the news lately, showing their awesomeness via photo opportunities, interviews, and general fuck-you's to the overseers. Here's a brief run-down:

Okay, please say that you follow Christian Serratos on Twitter. She tweets out pretty good stuff. And by pretty good, I mean a shitload of self-promoting tweets, Ashley-Greene-styles. This photo, for instance, was gooooood. She visited a Naval base with Alex Meraz and Daniel Cudmore, and they were set-up for this photo op. She tweeted out the photo, but obvs didn't let us in on the behind-the-scenes. Fortunately for you, Twifecta has the goods.

Row3: Pilot3, Pilot4. Row2: Pilot2, Pilot5.

Front row: Pilot1, Christian Serratos, Alex Meraz, Daniel Cudmore.

Killing time in the breakroom after meeting some of the cast:

Pilot2 to Pilot1: Dude, why the fucking smile? Do you know who these people are or something?
P1: You don't? They're the kids from that vampire movie. Hasn't your girlfriend threatened to take the pussy away to get you to watch it with her?
P3: What a minute, what?! You've seen that shit?
P1: Yeah, my wife made me though. *Rolls eyes* I totally didn't want to. (God, that Angela chick is SO much hotter in person. I think I'll throw Twilight in "for the wife" after dinner tonight.)
P3: No fucking way! I would never watch that.
P4: I don't know about you douchebags over there, talking about that meet-and-greet like we were really hanging out with celebrities, but I signed up for that to get out of the Commander's Call this afternoon.
P5: Yeah, I'm with you. I just wanted to see how fucking shiny and clean they could get the hangar in preparation for the "celebrities."

Meahwhile, in the limo leaving the base:

Meraz: I'm so fucking glad I left my jorts at home. Those guys would have ripped me a new one. Maybe I should have removed my necklace, as well...
Cudmore: Definitely pocket your necklace, dude. I can't believe those scrawny-ass pilots didn't know who we were. I mean, everyone knows about the Twilight series. They should have been stoked at the meet-and-greet. I'll get more ass for the mere fact that I touched Robert Pattinson than they ever will for wearing those green pajamas to work anyway.
Serratos: Wait, what? Whaaaaat are you guys talking about? Wasn't it bright in there? Gawd, I had to wear my shades AND that hat that they gave me. Ugh, that hat! Wasn't my style, but I bet they were totally turned on. I thought they would be more excited to meet me. Didn't they see me half-naked for PETA? Maybe they would have been more complementary if YOU two hadn't tagged along...

Across the nation, Ashley Greene did an interview with Daily Actor. Did anyone catch it? More specifically, did anyone catch the acting adivce that she dished out for fellow actors? Acting advice. I am sofuckingconfused. Before Twilight, she had only done a handful of small jobs. This doesn't mean that she is lacking in talent, maybe she just found her break early in her career. Or not. Maybe the whole of the New Moon movie showed that she is lacking in talent. It was bad. I think that she is beautiful, I think that she fits the description of Alice (nearly perfectly), I think that she works hard and has stumbled upon a good bit of luck. I do not think that she did an outstanding job delivering any of her lines in New Moon. She was the hardest for me to watch and get on board with. And she's giving acting advice to fellow actors. Pish.

I don't know about you fine people, but I want acting advice from this gal.

The one playing the McDonald's customer. Like, now.

Of course, our most favorite Twi-in-the-News item lately should come as no surprise to anyone, as it is not brand new information that the Twifecta ladies are major, serious, and shameless shippers of the R+K love. And it looks like our Anntastic was correct in assuming that Kristen would be getting her #1 birthday wish this weekend: ass a la Pattinson. This Twi-in-the-news made browsing through all of the other garbage totes worth it.

Happyfuckingbirthday to our fave gal.